I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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