i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
