apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
