Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
