Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
