connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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