4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
