so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
