Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
