I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
