nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
