Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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