I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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