just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
