I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
