I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
