You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
