We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
