omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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