We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
