I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
