o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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