i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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