I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
In America we eat man semen.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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