Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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