I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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