I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
