Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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