I cannot find my penis.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
