What a fucking waste of an outfit
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize