Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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