we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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