i just made my gag reflex go away.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
