trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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