I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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