There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
