You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm too high and old for this...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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