so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
