1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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