I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
