I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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