so explain again why im purple
no
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
