i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
