...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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