I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
