i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
