We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
