I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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