omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
