I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
