I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
