Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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