He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
