Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize