so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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