Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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