hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
