I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
