Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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