sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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