he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i love accidental penises.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
