Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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