South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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