forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
