how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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