Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
