but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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