no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
