she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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