booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
