mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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