I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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