for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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