I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
