she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
