I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
