where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
