I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
