Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
