We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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