I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
